Episode 32: Are You Stressed and Reactive and Don’t Know Why? Questions to Ask To Become Hyperconcious with Kevin Palmieri – Founder, CFO, and Host of Next Level University

EPISODE 32

[INTRODUCTION]

Kevin Palmieri (KP): 00:00

 One of my favorite questions ever is why I know it sounds overly simplistic, but when you ask why you’re forced to search for an answer that forces you to dig to the next layer. That’s a great question. A great tactic is when you’re going to do something, try to predict the outcome. So just as an example, say you’re going to the store, try to predict the outcome, okay, I’m gonna go to the store, there’s not going to be that many people, it’s Tuesday at 9am. I don’t expect there’ll be that many people. After you do something, you do an experience review. And you look back at your prediction, and then you say, okay, was I right? Was I optimal? Was I wrong? And why? What that’s going to force you to do is it’s going to force you to find awareness. I think one of the reasons and one of the ways to tell how aware you are, is to say, how often do I reflect on what has happened to me? And what new pieces of information do I take from that?

Announcer:  01:01

If you’re struggling with your vitality, energy, mood, focus, or sleep, this podcast is for you. Your host, Dr. Ann Tsung, ER doctor, and aerospace flight surgeon, will help you reach for the stars and remove the barriers or blockades that have been holding you back from living your best life. If you’ve been challenged by your health, relationships, or productivity, then it’s time for a breakthrough. So, here’s your host, Dr. Ann Tsung.

[INTERVIEW]

Ann Tsung (AT):  01:35

Hello, everyone, my name is Dr. Ann Tsung. And welcome to It’s Not Rocket Science Show. Today we have the honor of our guest Kevin Palmieri.  He is the founder, CFO and host of Next Level University, and the university that you can go to if you want to up-level, love, wealth, health, and life. And there are like 1000-plus episodes on his podcast, and it’s just a wealth of knowledge. So I’m really, really excited to bring Kevin on, we’re going to be talking a lot about self-awareness or hyper consciousness, it’s going to be what’s gonna make you accelerate that your own life in terms of like elevating your EQ and how to deal with other people, creating deep relationships, and just being aware of what your thought processes are. 

So again, Kevin, thank you so much for being here. Please, would you mind giving us an introduction about what you do and why you do what you do your journey up to this point? 

KP:  02:34

Yes. So number one, thank you so much for having me. Number two, thank you for the introduction. I’m very excited to chat with you today, Ann. So yes, I am Kevin Palmieri, I am a podcaster first, that is what I consider myself, that is what I identify as I’m a podcaster, and I love podcasting. But it all started from a place of service, I believe at a deep level that if there is more self-improvement in the world, the world will improve. I just have a deep belief. And the reason I started all this was because I believe if I had self-improvement in my life earlier, things would have ended up a little bit different. 

So just for context, Ann, I always say I was raised in a single-parent household. So I was raised by my mom and my grandmother. And I didn’t meet my dad until I was 27. And that obviously plays a large role in a young man’s life. And I do believe it put a chip on my shoulder, which has helped me succeed. So I’m grateful for that. But now I am running the chip, that chip is not running me, which was an important piece that I figured out eventually. 

If you were to look at me in my mid-20s, you would see somebody who looked super successful, somebody who had a high-paying job, who had just won a bodybuilding show, somebody who had a beautiful girlfriend, I had a new apartment, I had a sports car, I had all those things that people think that they want. And I definitely thought that I wanted. But the truth of it is I was very insecure, I was very scarce, I was not confident, I was not happy, I was not fulfilled, I was not purposeful. And eventually, it got to the point where my girlfriend left me. When she left me because I was so insecure, I was depressed, I was anxious, I was just a shell of myself, I said, you know what I need to do, I need to go make a boatload of money. Because if I make more money, all these other problems are gonna go away. So I then dedicated the next year of my life to my job consistently. And my job at the time was in the weatherization industry. So we would go into buildings, and we would make them more energy efficient. Since I worked for the state. And we worked on state buildings, I was making 60 to $120 an hour, which is great. I was traveling all over the place because most of our contracts were on the road. And if you fast forward to the end of that year, I had been on the road for 10 months out of the 12 months, every single week. It was brutal. But I ended up making $100,000. And that was my goal. So I made $100,000 at 26. But no college degree. 

And I had another one of those moments where externally, it looked like I was crushing it. It looked like I was living the dream. Internally, I was very unhappy with everything I had going on. And I realized that for most of my life I had lived unconsciously, I’m just showing up hoping for the best. And I’m not really planning anything. There’s no strategy to what I’m doing. The opposite of unconscious is hyper-conscious. So I started a podcast called The Hyper-conscious podcast. And that is where this journey of self-improvement. And growth really, really started for me. Now, I had this podcast and I fell in love with that. I fell out of love with my job, I didn’t want to travel anymore. I didn’t care about the money. It got to the point where I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. And I wanted to be my own boss and I wanted to do something that I felt really, really mattered. 

By the end of that next year, I was sitting on the edge of a hotel bed debating suicide because I felt so stuck. I felt so trapped. I felt so helpless. I felt so hopeless. I’m just in a very, very dark place. Luckily, my friend and now business partner was there to support me via text message and really helped me level set and figure out, you know, yeah, we’re in a dark place right now. But that’s not where we have to be forever. And a change of environment would probably be beneficial. So I ended up leaving that job three or four months later and going full time into what we’re doing today being a very broke entrepreneur for a long period of time. But here we are five years later and everything looks successful. So that’s the journey in a nutshell. 

AT:  06:34

That’s amazing. I can, I actually identify with it quite a bit because I came from a single mom, Mother household as well. I’ve never met my dad, I still haven’t met my dad, actually, they were divorced when I was a baby. And I think my mom had always just taught me to be independent to never depend on anyone. And I needed to succeed because of my mom, I needed to, you know, she was the only one that I was only one that she had, essentially, right. And then, yes, you know, it’s funny, and my goal back then, when we were poor, I was like, if I could just make $100,000, then everything will be okay. We wouldn’t have to be like this, you know, we will be so happy. And so that was my goal back then. And I reached it, you know, during residency. And then when I finished like, towards the tail end of residency, which I have been my goal, my whole life, no societal definition of success. And I realized I wasn’t happy actually. And it was through a couch surfer that I hosted. For the very first time ever. A couch surfer came and talked about Tony Robbins and talked about Tim Ferriss. That was the first time I heard about their names, and which led to my journey, the beginning of my journey, which is around ’26, ’27. So I can resonate quite a bit with what you’re saying. It’s very similar. 

KP:  07:49

’26 and ’27. And that’s, that’s a very interesting year. My business partner had a car accident, ’26 shifted his life. It’s like that’s a very, we had quarter life crisis instead of later in life, which I’m very, very grateful for, because a lot of people have midlife crisis and it’s hard to start over that, at that time in life. So I’m grateful. And I’m grateful you found this, and you’re doing something that you love now. 

AT:  08:13

Yeah, I agree. I agree. And what do you think there’s the vision that you have, right now, like, first of all, tell us your “why” for Next Level University, could you go a little bit in depth on that? And kind of where do you see this going? And, you know, for people who come to Next Level University to learn what you guys talk about, what can they actually achieve? What is their end vision that their life could be like? 

KP:  08:36

Yeah, so the why is very, very simple. We realize that a lot of people that can’t necessarily afford or access, self-improvement would benefit from it greatly. There’s a lot of people out there that want to get better, they just don’t necessarily have the funds or the means. So we do an episode every single day, we do seven episodes a week. And our motto is self-improvement in your pocket every single day from anywhere on the planet completely free. So we are showing up every day. And we are giving it our absolute best to add value. 

And one of the other interesting why’s for me, Ann, as a tattooed bodybuilder, who loves mixed martial arts and all things fighting, you might not guess that most of our listeners are actually women. One of the upsides of having that demographic is I’ve learned so much about vulnerability about communication, emotional intelligence, I’ve just learned more about somebody that I didn’t necessarily know. But the other part of that and the potentially heavier part of that is I have heard so many horror stories of the way that these women have been treated, whether it’s mental, physical, emotional abuse, that type of stuff, the deep part of my why is I want to be somebody who can help people, but do it without ego. I don’t want people to connect self-improvement is ego. Because I think there’s a lot of that out there, I just want to be a positive male role model who shows people that you can be vulnerable, and you can be authentic, and you can be transparent, and you can still get to the next level of your life. So those are a couple of the the ultimate why’s. 

What I’m thinking about when I think what can somebody get? And why should somebody do something that gets them to the next level. Our focus is level up your life, level up your love, level up your health, and level up your wealth. There’s a lot of places you can go to learn about business. But is that going to be at the cost of your relationship? There’s a lot of places you can learn about making money. But is that going to help you physically? At NLU we’re all about holistic. So I want you to be able to pour into each bucket at the same time and grow everything together. Is it harder, absolutely. But you can expect to have a more fulfilling relationship, you can expect to have more confidence, a deeper understanding of money, a deeper understanding of yourself, and therefore more potential to get the life of your dreams. That’s ultimately what we’re playing for. And in the long run, we want to have the most successful self-improvement brand in the world. That’s really the end goal vision. That’s why we do the things the way we do it and I am terrified and overwhelmed. But I’ve signed up for it and I’m ready for it. 

AT:  11:14

And what is that going to look like for you personally after you reach that end goal and maybe for your family? 

KP:  11:20

The ultimate thought that I have when I get asked that is it’s going to be an exponential version of what I’m doing now. So this year, I did 365 episodes of our show. I started another podcast and I think I was a guest on 400 So I did close to 800 shows this year, that is what I’m aiming for in the future, I want to be out doing this for eight to 10 hours a day. Like that really is, that’s as far as my vision has gotten. Now, obviously, we’ll be speaking, we’ll have a lot of clients, and there’ll be financial freedom, but I want to be able to impact as many people as humanly possible, I will spend more time in the office, the office will get nicer, the camera will get nicer, the microphone will get nicer, but I’m living my purpose. And I don’t see much of that changing honestly, and I’m grateful for that. I understand having that level of clarity is rare, and definitely a blessing. So I’m very, very grateful for that.

AT: 12:13

Yeah, I love it. And the reason, you know, to the audience, the reason why we talk about the why so much is because you can’t, you know, without knowing your why you want to be pulled towards your purpose, not pushed, like, you know, like, you have to do this, you have to, you know, so never forced, essentially. And that’s the reason why we talk about why so much and why the reason why we start with why so much, and so that you guys can identify with Kevin, to understand where he’s coming from. And if that resonates with you, then you can keep going and check him out on his website, his podcast and learn a little bit more, you will be more inclined to take in these suggestions that he gives you during his podcast if you understand where he’s coming from. And so then tell us why is self-awareness or hyper-consciousness, so important out of everything that you have talked about?

KP:  13:03

Yeah, I think at the deepest level, the more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world, and the more you understand everything else. So at the end of the day, we have a lot of conversations, but the conversation we have most often is with ourselves. And oftentimes those conversations are us trying to figure out what is going on in the brain of ourselves. I think self-awareness is so important, because it quite literally alters the lens through which you see the world. 

So the example, we were talking about this before, Ann, I remember I was I was at the gym with a business partner and a friend of ours. In the gym, I’m very, very confident, 10 out of 10 confident, I’ve spent 16 years in the gym, confidence and competence are connected, right? So I feel really good there. The second we switched over from fitness to talking about business, I get super insecure. And I started to get an ego and I started to villainize my business partner and our other friend. And I kept thinking I was like, what is going on here? My mood just went from super happy and abundant to combative and ego-driven. What is going on here? And I sat with that. And I sat with that. And I kept digging. And I said, Oh, you know what, I feel insecure. I feel insecure that I just went from being the leader to being the back of the pack. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t know how to add value here. I need to check in with that. So why am I villainizing them because I don’t feel good enough. And I’m not ready to see that I’m not ready to become aware of that. So I sat with that in real time, I was able to say, Okay, this isn’t a them problem. They’re not making you feel any type of way, you’re just insecure right now, let’s just recluse a little bit. We don’t have to be the center of attention. Let’s see what we can take in. And let’s use this as a learning experience. 

Now, if I didn’t have self-awareness in that moment, that could have put a crack in our relationship. I might look at my business partner and or our friend differently, oh, they have an ego because they’re so confident or whatever it may be, that would alter the way that I saw things. And it would alter the way that I saw things in a negative way, potentially. So yeah, I think self-awareness is so important. Because if you don’t understand how you’re viewing things, and why you’re viewing things, you don’t really know if what you’re viewing is correct. And that throws everything off in the grand scheme of things.

AT:  15:22

Yeah, yeah, I completely agree with you, I can kind of relate with my spouse and I after we had the baby, there’s a lot of times where when you’re not aware or not as conscious, then you’re victimizing or you’re blaming a lot of times, and you don’t realize it’s actually because you feel hurt, you feel unheard, or you feel insecure, etc. And so if you don’t recognize that you said if you don’t recognize your thought process, or another word is metacognition, thinking about your own thoughts, then your relationships could degrade around you. And you probably will have negative self-talk too, at the same time or not, you might have anger to deal with it to cope with that, you know, to hide behind anger, but actually, you’re sad and insecure. So, I don’t know if you have any sort of strategies or tactics, you know, number one, how do I know? I am not as conscious or what is the person like where they’re not where they’re unconscious or not self-aware? And what are some questions they can ask to get there?

KP:  16:26

One of my favorite questions ever is why I know it sounds overly simplistic, but when you ask why you’re forced to search for an answer that forces you to dig to the next layer. That’s a great question. A great tactic is, when you’re going to do something, try to predict the outcome. So just as an example, say you’re going to the store, try to predict the outcome, okay, I’m gonna go to the store, there’s not going to be that many people, it’s Tuesday at 9am. I don’t expect there’ll be that many people. After you do something, you do an experience review. And you look back at your prediction, and then you say, okay, was I right? Was I optimal? Was I wrong? And why? What that’s going to force you to do is it’s going to force you to find awareness. I think one of the reasons and one of the ways to tell how aware you are, is to say, how often do I reflect on what has happened to me? And what new pieces of information do I take from that. So it’s one of those things where, when I say I was living unconsciously, I wasn’t reflecting on anything, if I was reflecting, I never would have got to the point where I traded in a year of my life for $100,000, I probably would have saw that pattern earlier. 

If you’re the type of person who does a lot of things, and you have a lot of new experiences, and you are out there trying different things, I would guess that you probably have a fairly high level of self-awareness, as long as you’re reflecting on the things that you’re doing. So I would say the simplest question to ask is why? Why do I feel comfortable in this moment? Why do I feel uncomfortable in this moment? If I had to come up with an answer? What would I pick out? All right, let me start there. And then I think the practice is having some sort of experience review where after this, I’ll say, how did that interview go? Did it go as well? As I expected? Yes. Okay. Why? Well, and, you know, I felt really, really safe. And, Ann I connected before and great sense of humor and similar story, great rapport, did it not go as well as I expected? Okay, why did Ann have an ego? No, was I insecure, right? And then you just go through. So it’s almost like, you’re able to operate in your program by understanding the program. And then it allows you to go deeper and deeper.

AT:  18:40

Yeah, essentially, you can detach and be very objective about the scenario. And think about the various reasons why. So like an extreme, I can relate because I went through 40 Years of Zen, it’s a five day sort of meditation session where you’re in a pod, you’re hooked up to EEG. And literally, for five days, you’re thinking about any events, significant events in your life, or really, it doesn’t have to be significant, just any event in your life that caused you resistance. So any feeling of sadness, shame, anger, just feeling unwell, and really going into finding the gift of why it happened the way it happened? And why did you feel that way? 

So as an example, like, I always wanted to get things done, I’m like, you know, type A, and I wanted to like, if you look on the side, it’s like all my certificates from all my fellowships and residency. And if I make a mistake on a question, a test, or maybe during rounds, when a consultant tells me that I did something wrong. I mean, I took it a lot harder back then. Because I realize it took a lot of why’s, but I realized my self-worth was based on my knowledge, and you can never have enough knowledge in the world, you will never know enough to know all the answers and if your self-worth is based on how much you know, then, I mean, I was screwed. And it took a lot of why’s to even get there. So I can definitely relate to that.

KP:  20:07

Yeah, it’s a challenge. It’s a challenge it really, you have to be committed to the long haul, because it the thing about self-awareness is it compounds right? When you become self-aware, at level one, you’re able to see level two. And then when you can see level two, you can kind of see level four a little bit. And then you keep digging and keep digging. Eventually you get to the point where it’s like, Oh, my God, what a breakthrough. My self-worth is dependent on my outcomes. Okay, where does that show up in my life right now? Where did that start? And then why? Why why. So it’s almost a train that when you start, it gets a little bit easier to unravel. But in a weird way, the awarenesses can also get more painful as you dig deeper. So it’s an interesting journey. I would say it is one that is definitely worth it, though, in the long run. 

AT:  20:55

What has hyper-consciousness provided for you?

KP:  21:00

I would say confidence. I think that’s probably the biggest thing. I think a lot of people see me and assume I am a confident extrovert who loves being the center of attention when none of that is true at all. It’s allowed me to say okay, I am really afraid of what I’m going to do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t do it. It just means that I’m going to have to walk myself through the process. I’ll be very honest. I am intimidated by you Ann, I am intimidated by you. I just am. I can tell that you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and it’s very inspiring, but it’s intimidating allowing me to look within during this interview and say everything’s fine, it’s not a big deal. Ann’s a great human, you’ve done this podcast thing, 2000 times, or whatever it is, you’ve done a lot, you’re going to be fine. That’s what hyper-consciousness has helped me with, it’s helped me be present in moments where I feel like just disassociating and leaving the room completely. It’s allowed me to be present when I’m uncomfortable. And I think that’s a unique superpower that you can have, that you’ll do things you never would have done. And you’ll get results that you never would have gotten as long as you can hang through it. That’s what I would say.

AT:  22:13

That’s awesome. And I would say that I thought I was thinking that you have done like, 1000s of episodes and been there’s so many years, and I’m just like, I was like, I’m like, Oh my God, I want to just pick your brains. The feeling is mutual. So and I think another word for that is perhaps like authenticity, would you say? Yeah, like, we’re not afraid to be your authentic self. And this is who we are. And the listeners, you know, if you catch any part of this, that feels like it resonate with you, great if it just changes two millimeters for you, so that you can have an exponentially different trajectory. Great. But if this is not your jam, then switch off, go to another episode or go to, you know, another podcast, that is okay, we are okay with that. Because we have our strong why’s, we know ourselves, what we stand for, we have our boundaries. And we know our triggers too, as well. And we control it and are like our inner emotions that way. Would you say? That’s correct?

KP:  23:09

Yeah, I think another benefit of hyper-consciousness and you just spoke to this, it’s the fact that the understanding that not everybody is going to like you, that is layer one, layer two, some people will not like you, because they don’t want to like you. That’s layer two, layer three, some people will not like you, because you are a mirror for the things that they don’t like about themselves, right, and it keeps going going going. It gets to the point eventually, where you say, You know what, some people just are never going to like me. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t like myself, it doesn’t mean I’m necessarily doing anything wrong. It doesn’t mean that I’m not having a great impact on the world. It allows you to really see what’s real. And when you see what’s real, you stop telling yourself stories that don’t serve you anymore, or at least you have the ability to break free of those stories, and break free of various emotions that you don’t need to have. Yes, to your point, I would agree. 100%.

AT:  24:04

Yeah, it’s, you place a lot of meanings on various events, create your own stories. And really, the first thing to ask is, really, is it true? Like, nobody likes me? I’m stupid. Really? Is it? Is that true? Is it really true or not? And I’m curious, like, you know, first we can like maybe talk about several scenarios, like, what do you do when somebody gives you a bad comment, bad review? Or on YouTube? Podcasts? Social media? What do you do? Or what’s your thought process?

KP:  24:32

Be very honest, my initial thought is, I would like to physically challenge that person to a duel. That is, the first thing I do is like, alright, let’s just figure it out with our hands. But usually, and again, this is definitely something I’ve worked on a lot. I usually tend to reflect on, what does that mean for us. So we got to review one time, and this hurt my soul. This person said, Kev, I cannot stand when you start the podcast, you scream into the microphone, and I have to turn it down. And it was like a one-star review. Initially, my ego was like, I’m a professional podcaster, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Then I got that feedback from somebody else, somebody close to me, and I value their opinion. I changed the intro after that. So that was actually constructive. But it hurt my ego in the beginning. 

I’ve also gotten comments where you mentioned Tony Robbins earlier, somebody wrote something like, oh, this kid thinks he’s Tony Robbins, get a job, be productive and do something with your life. And the way I respond to something like that now, after my ego goes away, is I understand that’s probably a pretty unfulfilled person who is looking for attention, has very little control in their life, and is looking to control other people’s lives through fear through pain, through negative comments, I try to empathize now. And again, it’s easier said than done. And I still get frustrated, and I get angry. But I try to empathize with the fact that I’ve never taken time out of my day to go comment something negative on somebody’s post, but I can understand, if you are struggling and you see somebody who’s doing well, it’s probably triggering. And I try to empathize with that. So it all depends really on the situation, Ann, but I would say number one, I try to say, you know, what, is there any constructive pieces I can take out? Number two, where if I could put myself into this person’s shoes would I be and would I understand the way that they feel right now?

AT:  26:31

Yeah, I think I would say wow, you’re being compared to Tony Robbins. That’s amazing that you’re doing the right thing.

KP:  26:39

Thank you. Okay, that’s a good. That’s see that’s a good reframe right there.

AT:  26:45

Essentially, I had like a customer similar comment, like on YouTube, I think it was something like you don’t know where you’re talking about your fake. And I was like, oh my God reaching up on? Well, at first I was like, I’m not fake. I’m only authentic. Oh, my God, come on. But then the next second was like, oh my god, I’m reaching enough audiences, for people to have negative comments on my videos. This is like way better than before, right? So it’s actually progress from before. And I was like, really happy and celebrating and forgot about it. So but yes, that’s what self-awareness can do for you. And that same applies to if you have a negative comment, perhaps from work, or maybe like a spouse, or maybe children, I’m curious do you have any cases you can share with us on hyper-consciousness how to deal with, say, personal relationships, or business or maybe even maybe in the fitness or health,

KP:  27:36

I talk a lot about how that plays into relationships, because so if you have a significant other, say, you’re in a relationship, your partner is somebody that you’re going to communicate with very, very often. And the people that you communicate the most often with are going to see the different states that you have. So when I leave the office today, after a long day, my wife is going to get a certain version of me that Ann doesn’t get, because I’m here to serve. And this is me, and I’m shining, and I’m the guest and all that happy jazz. At some point, I’m gonna have to do the dishes tonight. And that’s going to be a different state that I’m in. 

So one of the things that I always suggest for people, and this has served me very, very well. Never say the first thing that comes to mind, I like to play a little game called pinball, all Pinball is, is when you are in a conversation with somebody, particularly a partner. When you get triggered, you let the thought that you want to say bounce around your head for a little bit, and you let it knock off some of the dust, some of the stuff that’s ego, some of the stuff that’s meant to hurt some of the stuff that’s meant to get back at that person, and you let it bounce around for a little bit. 

And this is the reason why. There was a conversation, my wife and I had one time where we were hosting this event. And she said, Hey, how many people are coming to the event? And I said, the first thing that came to my mind, I said, I don’t know, I don’t know, I know, we have a lot of tickets sold. I don’t know, I don’t know how many people are coming. But there’s gonna be a lot of people, when in reality, I lied. And the reason I lied is because I didn’t let it bounce around my head and get to the point where I knocked off the ego, I knocked off the scarcity. I knocked off the fear, and said, Honestly, we’ve only sold like two tickets. We’ve only sold like two tickets. And honestly, I’m pretty scared. I think this is gonna go off the rails. And I think we might lose money on this. I didn’t pinball, I just said the first thing that comes to mind. Now that’s an example of maybe a vulnerable share. 

There was another time when my business partner and I were on the team call, we have a 16-person team. And we were having this conversation. And egos were lifted. For some reason. I think we’re both tired, overwhelmed, stressed out. And my business partner and I were talking about a friend of ours. And I had been in this person’s book. So this person reached out to me and said, Hey, I’d love for you to do a Q&A segment in my book with me. And I was like, Cool. I’m I famous, this is wild. I never expected this. My business partner was talking about this person’s book. And I was triggered. And I said, Alan, you didn’t even read the effing book. I was in the book, ego, all ego, all ego. If I would have let that pinball around, and I would have gone to what we talked about earlier, I would have realized that I was insecure in that moment. I didn’t feel like I was being heard. I didn’t feel like I was being appreciated. And I felt like I was being a little bit underrespected. If I pinball that around, I could have said that instead of Alan, you didn’t even read the effing book. So that’s just a couple of examples of pinball and how if you again, that’s hyper consciousness, you’re practicing self-awareness. In moments like this, sometimes I say blink. Okay, let me hold on to the thought a little bit longer. Let me see what falls off and then I can share more of my authentic, balanced truth.

AT:  30:55

A lot of times I’ve tried to Pinball I’m still pinballing whenever after we had our son for the past six months, you know, all of a sudden our lives changed and my husband and I we have like different roles or responsibilities. So there were a lot of times where there were some things I wanted to say like a lot of times probably like, why didn’t you do this? Why didn’t you put up the milk bottle after he finishes like I mean, like, I mean, can you just like do the laundry and if I’m doing this and this but you know, it has to be rephrased like pinballing. Around, rephrase to, would you be willing to do this and this for us? Would you have time to do this? This you know because of your work? Etcetera. So I can really relate to that the first words that come out of your mouth or the sentence, it’s usually the emotional part.

KP:  31:44

It’s usually the good stuff, the good stuff usually doesn’t come out first. And then when you start catching yourself, you’ll see patterns, my wife. So my schedule is pretty packed nowadays, which I’m grateful for. But it also creates a lot of scarcity around time for me. So I’ll go out and I’ll hug my wife and kiss my wife in between calls, and she’s working. And sometimes she’ll say, Hey, can you do this for me quick? My natural tendency if I do not Pinball is no, no, I don’t have time, every time I’ll say it. Then I literally was talking to one of our cats, because I’m weird like that. And I said, ace, Daddy has time. It’s not a big deal. It’s going to take two minutes, Daddy’s going to do this. And then my wife brought me in this wonderful, cute note after about how I was flexible throughout the day. So that’s because of pinball. Pinball. That’s, that’s what it is.

AT:  32:30

Yeah, you know, we say that we do this for our family, with our for our loved ones, right? And, you know, why? Why are we so wrapped up in our work that we can even give two minutes or a few, like 10 minutes to our loved ones, our best selves, right? Very similar thing, I love being productive. In the morning, I had a morning routine with do with, like, try to finish all the top three things by eight. And then when my husband wakes up and wants to walk the dog most often, you know, before, there was a change in emotion to push that made me change. But before I was like, No, I gotta finish this. And I will get like annoyed. Because I was like, I’m on the flow, I want to finish this. And then realize that if I say I’m not being authentic, if I say I’m doing this for my husband to spend time with them to achieve financial freedom, and I came and give like 10 minutes to walk the dog with him. Like that’s an authentic right. So I wanted to recap, because we did talk about a lot. So number one thing to be hyper-conscious, and so hyper-aware, is again to start with why right? Ask why is it multiple levels. And that number two is to kind of if don’t be reactive, and the first thing or your first automatic response, then when somebody asks you a question, instead, just let that thought, like, go around in your head a little bit. And the tell yourself, Why am I thinking this thought, what needs are not being met? A lot of times I’ve also heard in terms of nonviolent communication, like labeling your feelings when you do this, I feel this, would you be willing to do this? Like when you do a certain thing? I feel unheard, would you be willing to actually help me do this? And this? What are your thoughts about that? Does that play

KP:  34:08

100%, even though just the word choice, right, like, feeling is a lot different than accusing? I could accuse somebody of making me feel a certain way. When I say sometimes I feel this way. I’m not saying that you’re doing anything. I’m just saying, from my perspective, this is what I see. And this is how it’s interpreted to me. I think it’s a much better way and it de-escalates. It de-escalates. There’s not blame there’s not shame. Yes. 100% 100% agree.

AT:  34:38

Yeah. And when you ask somebody, you know, would you be willing to see you had that you yourself have to be open as well, you know, seeing their point of view. But would you be willing to, instead of like, you have to or why don’t you just do this for me? Because I did this for you that’s transactional? And would you be willing to it’s actually a choice for the other person? 

KP:  34:58

Or do you think it would be better for us? If we like that, I like that. Do you think it would be more beneficial for us? If we, it just make it easy to get a yes. Right? Like it just if you frame a question in a positive manner, where it’s suggested growth, it’s a lot easier than if somebody has to say, Well, it’s my fault. Okay, now we’ll do something about it just makes it easier. And again, it’s all the words that you choose, the words that you choose are very important, very impactful.

AT:  35:25

That’s a united front, so you avoid the use and use more of the Wii and us. And a lot of times when people are arguing, especially couples that you lose sight of what’s actually the intention, right? A lot of times my husband and I have discussions around our child about little things like but he likes it this way. I like bottle washing this way. But really, our intention is for the health of chi. So how can we meet the middle? So a lot of times we’re arguing little things, but really, we need to focus on the true intention.

KP:  36:00

You’re a team, my wife and I say all the time, I understand we’re running different plays right now. But just remember, we’re a team like let’s reunite, reunite, reunite. We’re a team. We’re a team, we’re in this together. I always say that. Yeah,

AT:  36:11

united front. That’s what we say united front, united front. Like we’re not being united front right now. What’s going on? That’s awesome.

KP:  36:18

We’re very similar, Ann, you and I.

AT:  36:24

Yes, yeah. I mean, I think, you know, after you, you’re exposed to many similar, you know, self-improvement items. And I think towards the end, it just gets ingrained in our brains. And what Kevin’s talking about hyper consciousness, you know, it’s probably taking many many years has taken me many years. It’s a 27. I mean, it’s almost 10 years. So for the audience, this is not going to happen day one after this. And I want you to realize the impact that this can have on you. If you’re unconscious of just being reactive through life, then you’re not in control of your identity of your life. But if you’re hyper-conscious, you start asking more questions about why you feel the way you feel, why you have what your values are, then you can actually break through to your full authenticity and actually draw boundaries, which is super important as well, to what matters, right? Yes,

KP:  37:14

Yeah, it’s 20. I said, 2022 is the year of boundaries, that is, it is the year of boundaries. 2023 will be as well.

AT:  37:21

What do you feel? Do you have anything in terms of like, hyper-awareness or hyper-consciousness of say, like in the health aspect, as I know you’re into fitness and health, or perhaps in more like a business relationship, as well? 

KP:  37:36

Yeah. I mean, it’s hard with business, because your awareness can only be as high as what you’ve studied with business. So that’s, that’s a real challenge. But I don’t know, I think one of the biggest thing is no matter what the arena is, is to increase the inputs. And I think it goes with anything. When you increase the inputs, you increase the potential for perspective. And all I mean by that is, when you listen to a podcast, you hear new ideas that you’ve never heard before. One thing you might say is, Wow, I’ve never thought like that. Awesome. That’s great. That’s perspective. Another thing you might say is, wow, that’s exactly how I think. Great. That’s perspective. Another thing you might say is, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Okay, cool. That’s also perspective. 

So whether it’s fitness, whether it’s finance, whether it’s family, whether it’s nutrition, whether it’s hydration, sleep, the more content you consume, and obviously, you have to be careful with what you consume. But the more content you consume, the more perspective you’ll have. I think that will naturally help you become more aware, because you’re filling your mind with more things to choose through. And you can say yes, and say no. But I think as human beings, it’s important for us to understand where the ceiling is, and where the floor is, the ceiling is the best in the world, the floor essentially is the worst in the world. Where do you fall? That right? There is a piece of awareness? And then what do you do with that? 

So I don’t necessarily have anything specific for business or health. I do think when I am having an injury, right, for the longest time, my shoulder was broken, and I couldn’t even put it behind my back. What did I do? I started consuming a ton of physical therapy content, not all about shoulders, either about everything, what happened, my shoulder got better. And then I stuck? Well, I worked on it, and then it got better. And then I started to understand interesting, because I thought it was my shoulder, it actually might have been a different muscle in my body. So just say my chest that was creating that. Does my knee injury actually have to do with my knee? Or could it be my ankle? Oh, it’s my ankle. My ankles too tight. Okay, cool. So one piece of awareness gets carried over to other things, but it was just based on curiosity. So when you’re curious, I think your awareness will raise because you’re going to learn more naturally.

AT:  39:54

Yeah. And I think it ties in very well to like, when people are not aware, it’s because they have blind spots, right? And so essentially, you know, you’re making assumptions. And essentially, what you do is that you just ask more questions, you become curious, you consume content, or you ask for feedback, say, if you receive a poor review, that you are, number one, don’t even really like, wait until you see receive a poor feedback from your employer, you will proactively ask for feedback every month or every three months, okay? So that you understand that you’re, it’s not too late. So people are making up stories just because they’re assuming like, this person doesn’t like me, or I’m stupid, or I can’t do this, or this isn’t my shoulder and the one you understand and get all the knowledge around it. And I think then you can kind of go back and backtrack to figure out why you thought the way you did before and why it’s changed now is does that sound similar to your process? 

KP:  40:53

Yeah, it’s ultimately you’re trying to get to the truth. Really. I mean, that’s what that’s what it is. The truth of the matter is that person doesn’t hate you. The truth of the matter is, yeah, you probably had an unproductive month at work, and you’re gonna get that feedback, what you’re really doing and you said, The words feedback. Everything that we receive is potential feedback based on our current awareness. So you might listen to an episode and say, Wow, I’ve never thought that way. Okay, I’m not nearly as far as I thought. It helps you get to the truth. awareness helps you get to the truth because you’ll remove your ego and you’ll say, okay, yep, that person that left that review that said, I scream into the microphone. They were actually right, based on the other truth that I received. Let me make changes with that. Yes, I agree. 100%.

AT:  41:36

And do you have any routines or experiences? Have you gone through any books, websites that you’ve gone through that has helped you to ask more questions about why?

KP:  41:49

Hmm. Simon Sinek has a great book called start with why I believe is the title. Oh, that’s a great one. There. Oh, my goodness, I don’t, there is a book. And it is frames, from an old man talking to a young man. I don’t remember the name of the book.

AT:  42:08

You can send it to me after.

KP:  42:11

It’s a really introspective book where it forces you to think it forces you to think it’s very, very deep. I will send it after so and maybe we can throw it in the show notes. But I have, and I’ll be honest, I’ve transitioned a lot of my learning from this type of learning to more business to more podcasting, to more numbers to more finance, just because that’s the needs of the business now. But in the beginning, I was consuming a lot of content, the Untethered Soul by Michael singer is a good book that makes you dig really deep. But it’s not necessarily pragmatic. So it depends on what you’re looking for.

AT:  42:47

Okay, well, we’ll definitely have those in the show notes for you. And since I am all about also, you know, efficiency, productivity and peak performance, we talked about fulfillment a lot. I am curious to know, your routine in terms of how you keep everything balanced, how you protect your time, how you get, you know, the maximal efficiency out of your day, do you have anything that has been the one 80/20 tactic that you use?

KP:  43:13

For me, it’s getting up early, I am a superhero when I can get up at 4am. Because I get more done in that four hours than I do the rest of the day. So understanding whether or not you’re a morning person or a night person is super important. Just because I get up at four doesn’t mean you should, I don’t like working at night. So for me, I get up at 4:30 I literally get into my gym clothes, and I’m in my car by 4:45. On the way to the gym, I habit stack and I listened to whatever book I’m learning, I foam roll every single day, I’m at the gym and do mobility while I’m learning. Then I work exercise for 45 minutes. The second I’m done exercising, I put on our podcast, review our podcast, 15-minute ride home. And then from there, I get ready for the day. And I am then in the office from 6am until 9pm. So the first third of my day is completely for me, that’s for me to get grounded. That’s for me to knock stuff out. And then from nine till six I am front facing, you cannot get a hold of me before 9am You cannot schedule a call with me after 6pm. And then from six to nine I am with family. So for me, Ann, it’s making sure that I start my day strong. If I sleep in and I don’t get that those big rocks moved, it’s really hard for me to get momentum up. So yeah, I would say having a very, very tight morning routine has been very, very impactful for me. And honestly getting this stuff out of the way that you don’t really want to do. I will not go to the gym tonight. I am a morning person. So that level of self-awareness too, is super important.

AT:  44:45

I think that was my 80/20, too, my morning routine. I am feeling like the most confident person ever if I’ve woken up at 4:30, and I’ve got knocked out three top priority tasks for the day by 8am. I mean, it’s done already. It’s like amazing. And I have recently started doing something called, not recently actually like a year ago, what’s called sleep to flow. So I went through Steve Kohler’s flow class and they were too dangerous. And he actually have you wake up and straight to your desk start working like right away. And then your breaks are the cold shower, the meditation the workout. So you have like the 60 to 90-minute flow cycle, a break and 60-minute to 90-minute flow cycle. So I’ve been doing I’ve been able to achieve a month’s worth of like slideshow review that I will take a month in one day. That’s awesome. So that’s the morning. Absolutely. It’s it made me, yeah.

KP:  45:38

Over and again, for other people. Maybe it’s night, right. I like to spend I told him this. I said after we do this, I’m going to hang out my wife or watch Christmas movie on the couch, maybe get some Indian food, I don’t know. But for me, I like to have my nights for family and r&r. So maybe for you you’re a night owl. I am a morning owl for sure.

AT:  45:56

And people may have different I can’t remember the term right now. But yes, you could, you know, be more productive at night and be more productive in the morning. But I also want to caution to not label yourself because I used to be a night person only and I would stay up till 4am And I always told myself I’m not a morning person. And all of a sudden after age 30 I’m a morning person.

KP:  46:20

So that’s good. Yeah, yeah, good. Yeah, label. Yeah. Be careful labels.

AT:  46:24

Yes. Be careful of your labels. And we talked about so much here. What would you say will be the one takeaway and one action that you want the audience to do right after this episode?

KP:  46:35

I It would throw it to something that is simple but powerful. I would take out your cell phone, record a video to yourself about what you’re dealing with in your life right now. What are you excited for? What are you proud of? What do you regret? What are you afraid of, really just talk to yourself, interview yourself, and then check in within a month, and then check in with it a month later, you and I and have a very unique, distinctive opportunity where you can go back and listen to this whenever you want. That’s going to help you become aware of how far you’ve come or how far you haven’t, you can do the same thing. If you’re watching or listening. Just record a video to yourself. I think that is a huge, huge practice with a lot of room for opportunity. And it will help you become self- because you’re going to learn more about yourself than maybe anywhere else.

AT:  47:23

I’ve never heard that before. I’m going to do this after. 

KP:  47:27

Well, you already do it because you have the podcast. So that’s, I realize that for me, I’ll go when I’m really high emotionally or really low Emotionally, I reflect on on our journey. And you want to talk about something that will show you at the truth, either. I have gotten worse in fitness, I have I’m not in as good a shape as I was a year ago, business has grown exponentially. abilities in speaking and podcasting have grown exponentially. When you reflect on an old you. That’s the truth. I mean, that is that is awareness in a nutshell. So I think it’s a wonderful exercise. Again, it can be painful, and it can be a large dose of awareness. So make sure you, you take the right amount, but I do think it’s valuable.

AT:  48:11

Yeah, and I think that’s huge in terms of the concept of the gap and the gain, there is a book called The Gap and the Gain, and a lot of times we’re suffering and we don’t feel well, because we’re comparing ourselves to the future selves. And we are not where we want to be, you know, in the future, and we forget where we’ve come back then, like, you know, from not making this much money to making like 100,000, and now making more than 100,000. But then now, you know, we just sometimes you get into the state where well, I’m not making as much as those people who are making like 100 million. And so this is huge to go back to record the video of yourself, think about where you are, then maybe a month or three months later, you can go back and kind of record the gains that you’ve had. You’re comparing your current self, to your past self. And you’ll realize the successes that you’ve had, and the failures are not really failures. They’re lessons to help you progress to where you want to go. And I do want to touch on that well, so there’s, you know, peak performance planners as well on Amazon, that you can get and a lot of times they have prompts of questions too, for the day, your daily goals, your top three priorities, and the nightly reflections of what have you done well, what were you grateful for, etcetera I think those three people are looking for a tool. Those are really good to use for daily self-introspective questions.

KP:  49:37

Well said, Ann, well said.

AT:  49:39

All right, thank you. I know we’re short on time. So again, Kevin, this has been an amazing, amazing episode, we’ve unpacked a lot. And I think you’ve achieved the goal of adding value to our listeners. And just so people can find you would you tell them your social media, your podcast coaching and your website?

KP:  49:58

I always just say listen to the podcast. That’s where you’ll learn the most about us. And honestly, if you liked what we talked about today, we talk about that a lot. If you’re not sick of hearing my voice yet cool. If you want to reach out for anything on social media, my name is Kevin Palmieri on LinkedIn and Facebook and then on Instagram, my handle is @neverquitkid so I am there if you need anything, do not hesitate to reach out.

AT:  50:19

Awesome. Thank you. And just so everybody knows the show notes here will be on itsnotrocketscienceshow.com. And you can also reach me, tsungannmd@gmail.com If you have any questions, or just go on the website, It’s Not Rocket Science Show. You can contact me there subscribe or reach out for a complimentary 60-minute coaching call. 

So again, thank you so much Kevin, and everyone. Just remember that everything we need is within us now.

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[OUTRO]

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